by Anonymous
NOTE: This Fake News article is an assignment from Mr. Taylor’s English 11 Honors course, written and contributed by a group of his students.
Every day, hundreds of thousands of high school students vape. Coming in a variety of flavors, including bubblegum, mango, berry, and cinnamon, vape devices and juice enthrall Americans, particularly children and teenagers, especially susceptible to peer pressure and social stigma. According to the Center for Disease Control, upwards of 39.8% of high school students partake in the act of vaping on a regular basis. These addictive products continue to grow in usage and popularity, and the end seems nowhere in sight. But have we stopped to consider where these addictive devices come from? Well, now, we need to.
Tracing Manufacturing
Where do vapes and other e-cigarettes come from? Perhaps you have not even thought of this. Maybe you instantly thought, “China!” This appears to just be a small part of the massive scheme that has been in the making for decades. Just yesterday, October 3rd at 12:57 p.m., it came to the attention of the United States Military through the FedEx International First shipping company that 97.2% of all the vapes and nicotine canisters for them are produced and shipped directly from Russia. After momentary exploration and discovery, the United States CIA analysts uncovered that Russia had been covering up where the vape products really come from. Russian coding masterminds have conspicuously altered shipping numbers claiming to be from China, Bangladesh, and other common manufacturing countries, keeping their products under wraps and undiscovered by us in America—that is, until now.
Vast Hidden Evidence
Until FedEx International First detailed their accidental discoveries to the United States military, no research had been done into the source of vaping products and the materials within them. Just a day’s worth of looking has led trustworthy and well-experienced CIA and FBI agents to uncover thousands of documents directly from the Russian government that detail their extensive shipment of vaping devices. According to their official calculations and recordings, this Russian biological warfare project began in 1962, which you will notice was directly in the midst of our cold war with Russia. Experimental data shows how the Russian research agency known as BIOCAD RF tested drug reactions on American prisoners. For example, the documents include a graph showing data results from drug testing of methamphetamine, hallucinogen, nicotine, and morphine on an unidentified American, labeled “SUBJECT C-189.” Clearly, this project has been long in the making, and the Russian government has tried to conceal all of this information.
The Truth? Vaping Kills.
As of this article’s publication, according to the Center for Disease Control, upwards of sixty deaths have been recorded as a direct result from vaping, with thousands of others citing injury, lung damage, and brain deterioration thanks to the use of these highly addictive devices. Usage of e-cigarettes has grown exponentially in recent years, as displayed in the graph above. This expansive use will only lead to more and more deaths. The worst part? Vaping is scientifically designed to be addictive. Even after trying just one or two e-cigarette puffs, a high school student can be instantly hooked. This is not something to be overlooked; the future of our world is being influenced by addictive technological devices, and we now know that these devices are a form of biological warfare from our most hated national enemy.
Now What?
It does not take a genius to put two and two together. There are dangerous products that result in death targeted toward the youth of our nation, and Russian documents show distinct evidence of the production of said products and hidden experimentation on the substances within them. The next step is clear: stop vaping. These devices on their own can lead to damaging effects, but now, who could possibly know the extent to which side effects may be present? Perhaps the chemicals in vapes have led to decreased brain activity, an attack on American intellectualism. Perhaps substances within the molecules of the plastic casing of vaping cause an unknown type of cancer, one that will dominate the future generation of Americans. One can only imagine the possible terrorism that has been achieved thanks to these malevolent devices. The only other next step you have to take is to share this article. Russians want to keep this under wraps, and we know that their coding expertise can influence what we read, as seen with their manipulation of the shipping labels. Do not believe anything you encounter that goes against what you have read today; it is likely that the Russian government has planted Russian mediators all throughout the interwebs. Surely you trust our American professional agencies; share this information with everyone you know. Do not let your guard down. The Russian government is cunning and scheming, and we as patriots must preserve our freedoms and the freedoms of all future generations!
Into the Jungle 