73 Trapped in Bitcoin Mining Accident in Iceland

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Marbjörn mine, Northern Iceland

By Bjarkar Auber

On Friday, April 13th, an NVIDIA pylon in the Marbjörn mine in Northern Iceland came crashing down, leaving around 73 miners stuck miles below the surface. Forty-two hours after the original collapse, these miners were still trapped. Our Jungle Crew flew to Iceland as soon as the news broke to create an in-depth article.

Our senior reporter and Icelandic language enthusiast Jonathan Aaby interviewed Carl Stephenson, the chief of the evacuation team. The interview was conducted on Wednesday, April 5th. Below is part of the transcript of the interview translated with minimal precision from the original Icelandic:

Jonathan: Hello, I’m with the news. We are wondering if you could disclose what happened?

Carl: This mine has been up and running for about 6 months, it has never had an accident yet. It is one of the world leading examples for bitcoin mine safety. Even so, our evacuation team is ready for any problem.

Jonathan: Well what about the collapse?

Carl: What collapse?

Jonathan: The collapse on Friday, April 13th…. You know how the 1080ti’s coolant system was improperly set up, then how the Blockchain system snapped causing the GPU’s to collapse inward?

Carl: What kind of drugs are you on? It’s April 5th, you Bjáni.

Jonathan: Oh #@&!. Forget everything I said.. I was not here.. I guess next time I should double check the date before going on these things…

Carl: Do you need help sir…?

Jonathan: *phone*. Sorry sir, I messed up. Tell Zuck the Illuminati has some clean up to do in Iceland.

Bitcoin mining has overflowed in Iceland in the past few years: Iceland now has hundreds of mines dedicated to finding one of the world’s most valuable resources. According to Icelandic energy firm HS Orka, more power will go towards bitcoin mining in 2018 than to the entirety of Iceland’s 124,000 homes.

Bitcoin mining accidents accounted for over 300 deaths in 2017, and according to Bitcoin Miners’ Union spokeswoman Ji Piyu, this number is only set to increase.

“We must strive to ensure the safety of all bitcoin miners and shield them from exploitation,” Piyu told us.

The BMU has declared April 20th International Bitcoin Miner Rights Day, and is organizing events worldwide to spread awareness.

Efforts to improve conditions for bitcoin miners have received pushback from large mining firms.

“These miners are voluntary workers. Until the Icelandic government can guarantee us a permanent, enslav — I mean stable workforce, we will resist these infringements on our fundamental rights,” says Jami Zellner, CEO of Serendipity United Coin Cavers.

With the rising desire for Bitcoin mines, it is all but certain that we will be seeing more collapsed. But you can be certain that your tenacious Jungle Crew will be there feeding you, our loyal readers, the fastest and least accurate information possible.

Bjarkar Auber is one of “Out of the Jungle’s” international writers and reporters. He grew up in Sweden and has a special place for Nordic countries in his heart. He enjoys cannibalism and is especially interested in experimental human live meat extraction. He has been quoted as saying “I am a writer by trade, but a cannibal by hobby. My number one bucket list item is to eat  a person of every culture on earth.” He also enjoys playing video games and spending time with his wife and kids.

Disclaimer: None of the information presented in “Out of the Jungle: Stay woke my friends” should be interpreted as fact under any circumstances. Using this column as evidence on an essay or other assignment may result in public ridicule and an abnormally low grade.